Finch says funny things / 3
Finch turned 4½ yesterday, and what better way to celebrate than to share a few of the funny things that came out of his mouth recently?
He makes us laugh daily — whether he’s dipping his popcorn in barbecue sauce or his chocolate chip cookie in sour cream, choosing to not trick-or-treat at any house that is handing out “just chocolate,” talking to his imaginary friend Jack, or telling elaborate stories about the times he was “invisible.” (Huh?)
Finch-tionary
A dictionary to help you decode what the heck he’s talking about:
“roller coaster made out of stairs” = escalator
”chocolate oil” = chocolate milk
“that doesn’t rhyme” = that doesn’t make sense
“shaker-ma-jaker” = maraca
“When I’m a Daddy-man, I’m gonna make the rules. … but I don’t know the rules, so I need you to tell me.”
“Can we go to the puppy store and get a puppy? Or maybe a reindeer?”
Rooney: “Do cinnamon rolls come from animals?”
Eric: “No.”
Finch: “But I’ve seen a duck lay a cinnamon roll.”
While listening to Taylor Swift: “I like when she’s shouting.”
Finch: “I love grandma.”
Me: “Me too.”
Finch: “Do you wish she was your uncle?”
Me: “Whoa, how many Skittles you got in those cheeks?”
Finch: “91.”
Me: “What’d you have for lunch at daycare today?”
Finch: “Costco milk!”
“Cotton candy’s made out of hair.”
Finch: “Can we move to a new house?”
Me: “Why do you want to move to a new house?”
Finch: “Because I like to pee in a lot of potties.”
Finch: “Poop!”
Eric: “Do you need to poop?”
Finch: “Clenching my butt.”
Me: “On Sunday, Grandma is going to come stay at our house for six nights because Daddy and I are going on an airplane to Texas.”
Finch: “You mean you’re going on an airplane to Hawaii?”
Me: “Oh, I would love to go to Hawaii some day!”
Finch: “Then you can take dancing lessons!”
Proving he eats the weirdest things: “Coconut oil is easier to crunch than boogers.”
At the dollar store:
Finch: “Look at these sunglasses!”
Me: “Those are reading glasses.”
Finch: “I need some because I have books at home!”
Finch: “Rooney, I got my flu shot!”
Rooney: “How many times do you have to say that?”
Finch: “I’m guessing the number’s in the hundreds.”
Finch: “Is that an airport?”
Me: “I think it’s a warehouse.“
Finch: “It’s a werewolf house?”
In the car:
Finch: “I’m thirsty.”
Me: “Do you have water? I have one.”
Finch: “Well that came in handy!”
From the bathroom: “It smells stinky in here.”
While clipping his fingernails:
Me: “You have the cutest little fingers.”
Finch: “Yeah, that’s why you bought me at the people store. You bought the sweetest kid at the people store.”
“God, thank you for making Mars so the aliens have somewhere to live.”
Watching Eric outside with the leaf blower: “He doesn’t know how to control that thing.”
On Nov. 5: “Mom, did you know it’s Valentine’s Day today? We get to go to the North Pole and ask Santa what we want for Christmas!”
Me: “Finch, do you want to take Rooney to the bus?”
Finch: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t.”
“Guess what! Chicken comes from chicken and ham comes from an Easter egg.”
Finch: “Is that whipped cream?”
Eric: “…That’s a used Kleenex.”
Me: “You’re looking fly! You look so good!”
Finch: “I wanna be handsome.”
“I love eating two things I’m not supposed to eat: snow and boogers.”
Me: “Guess what! Daddy just called and he’s bringing home Dairy Queen!”
Finch: “Is he going to use his super strength to pick up the restaurant and bring it home so I can eat there?”
“Rooney, your penis got smooshed up into your body!”