I feel like I'm barely getting by right now.
It's not that dramatic, probably, but "normal" is not what I'm feeling lately.
I'm trying to function at a high level all day long, but it's hard.
I guess this is what it means to be a mom. For me, a working mom. And a wife.
- Waking up -- extremely tired most days, especially if Rooney has not slept soundly all night. I give myself less than 45 minutes to get ready because I can barely convince myself to get out of bed (which really isn't anything new).
- Barely getting my hair and outfit to a presentable level for work. Last week I wore something that resembled lounge-wear and my hair was definitely rockin' the messy look.
- Dropping Rooney off at day care and not allowing myself any emotion. Because the one day I did, I cried my makeup off.
- Trying to stay focused at work. (This week I'm trying out the Pomodoro technique.)
- Wondering if we're doing the right thing by sending Rooney to day care or if we can afford for me to go part-time.
- Getting Rooney to bed and then realizing we haven't even thought about supper and I'm tired and it's 7 p.m. (oh, and we haven't been to the grocery store in weeks).
- I'm training for a 5k. Every other night after dinner I leave the house to exercise, which is necessary for my physical and mental health, but it means sacrificing time with my husband, from whom I feel disconnected.
- Our messy house adds another layer of stress. The laundry has been backed up for weeks!
- My Bible reading hasn't been happening.
- Post-baby baby shower thank yous still need to be written.
Did you know that new research suggests that after a woman has a baby, her brain goes through a remodel? It rebuilds and reorganizes and is eventually stronger and smarter than ever before (making us more efficient). Cool in concept...difficult when you go through it. I'm still rewiring, I think.
I was relieved when my sister, who we call super mom, recently revealed to me that she feels the same way sometimes. That she's barely getting by. You would never know. She is the best mom I have ever witnessed.
I'm trying to remember that Rooney is still only three months old and that pieces of our routine will get easier. There has been a lot of change in our lives recently and I wonder if it's too soon to make a decision toward another big change (like changing my work schedule).
But the days are fleeting and we will never get them back...