the one about marriage

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A month ago, someone asked me if the first year of marriage is the hardest. He and his partner have been married for a year and a half and he was hoping I would say yes, the first year was the hardest. I cringed a little and told him that the first three-ish years were the hardest for us.

But I've thought about my answer since then, and I decided I would change what I said.

For us, there have not necessarily been entire years that were tough. The hardest parts of marriage to me, to us, have been times of transition and big changes.

Getting out of debt in year three was a really hard, as was having a baby (and dealing with postpartum depression) in year five. When one of us is having issues at work, that's been really hard too. We've been there a few times. If there are any cracks in your marriage, these things add pressure to it and it will be magnified.

This is really scary as we think about starting a business at some point, and hopefully having another baby. It's almost enough to make us stop dead in our tracks and try to keep everything the same forever. But we know that's no good, either. Because here we are at year seven and a half, and things are really better than ever.